We don’t all fit together! As a travel lover, I could never happily be with someone who doesn’t want to leave the country they were born in. What’s the point of being with someone if they don’t share your biggest passion?! What’s the point of being with someone if you won’t happily be with them?!
There’s a huge world out there and I want to see as much of it as I can. I’m too eager to wait till I retire to travel. Travel is like food to me. My mind wants it regularly. Like music, my soul needs it. I’m not asking for something unobtainable, so why can’t I want a partner that wants to travel too.
When I was young, I met a wise woman who attributed the high divorce rate on a society who were allowed to speak their mind and go for what they want, yet were so blind about their choices. She was amazed by how many couples didn’t fit together, but spent years trying to change each other.
She told me to write a list of 10 things I wanted in a partner. She said when dating someone, to tick the values that person had on your checklist. She advised that you were unlikely to ever get 10 out of 10. Nobody was perfect. However, somebody could be perfect for me with a score of 7, if I could live without those 3 and if they were ways in which I could learn and grow.
But wait! On your list there will be some that are Deal Breakers – those things you don’t want to live without. You might be a romantic that would never be happy with somebody who is unaffectionate. You may want children and don’t want to be someone who dislikes children. If you’re a vegan, you might be ok with a meat eater but won’t be able to date a hunter. One of mine is travel.
The trick is to know yourself and what you want. If you meet someone who isn’t perfect but know you can live with their differences, that’s great. You can probably learn lots from them or by being with them and vice versa. But Stop Wasting Your Time with somebody you determined to change! Stop Wasting Their Time if you have to lie about who you are! It will only end in pain or worse if it is years of pain!
Have you ever been asked out by someone cute who had a cross against everything on your list? I’ve been so bold to verbalise why they were wrong for me, yet they couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go out with them because they thought I was cute, sweet and smiled at them. I guess their checklist only had one value and it was physical. By the way, one of my things on my checklist is half a brain!
We all have Deal Breakers … What’s your Deal Breaker?
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